All About Bernyce Anderson

Anticipation and Patience

kla122008 — Sun, 01 Feb 2009 15:24:08 +0000

For the past couple of years I have been trying to anticipate the next medical crisis that Mom would encounter. Seems odd to think about today since her health has been so fantastic for the past 6-7 months. That hasn’t been the case at all in the past. I think that I now have the confidence to know that I simply can’t anticipate anything and that I just need to be patient and understand that when something happens we will deal with it. Mom’s fate isn’t in my hands.

There was a time not too long ago that my every question to her was to determine exactly what she was feeling and what it could mean. During the previous two years we have encountered a wide array of problems but never the same one’s twice. It drove me crazy especially since I am not that thrilled about anything medical. It is messy and can lead to people dying. Just when I figured out what the signs of internal bleeding were and saw her thru that crisis, we would never see symptoms of it again. With every fall does she have to go the the Dr. or emergency room? Initially, as she has been on coumadin for so long, I thought absolutely yes. Now, it is a judgement call.

My sister and I have both dedicated a lot of time seeing to her health care, trying to figure out how to make her happy and feel like she has some sense of control in her life. Lesson: I can drive myself and everyone else crazy trying to make sure Mom is happy and safe. In the end, she will be happy and safe only if she wants to be. I am lightening up, letting go, and I will be there when she needs me. I can’t anticipate much of anything and I am not sure that I want to anymore. Life will happen and each of us with make of it what we choose.

Managing Medications, Working with Doctors

kla122008 — Mon, 26 Jan 2009 00:05:35 +0000

Mom is taking about 13 different medications each day. I now refer to her as a chemistry set and am totally grateful to her two main doctors, Rachael Young, Family Practice, PAMF and Michael Ruder, Cardiologist, CMCA, for managing her body chemistry so expertly. It is nothing short of amazing how much better her quality of life and sense of well being has become since she has been under the care of these two doctors. Two years ago many were counting her out and last night she held court at a dinner with her very funny Norwegian jokes and general impressions of the world today. The difference is all in getting the chemist set properly set up and administered. Oh, by the way, nutrition, exercise and intellectual stimulation weigh in pretty heavily as well.

So here is what I now understand about doctors: it is all about developing a good relationship with them and trying to make it easy for them to give the best care they can. I think that some doc’s are arrogant jerks and maybe they behave that way because too often patients expect them to be mind readers or to diagnose effectively in spite of less than honest info from the patient or their families. Or maybe they, like some people in all professions, are simply jerks. On the other hand, we have found two doctors that are communicative and look for input from my mother and me. It took a bit to get this working relationship established but now I have total confidence that my calls will be returned, my insights taken seriously, and that mom could not get any better care anywhere.

Mom and the Big House

kla122008 — Mon, 22 Dec 2008 17:49:09 +0000

Almost two years ago Mom moved into Woodside Terrace (aka The Big House) which is an assisted living community in Redwood City, CA. Previous to this she lived in Sun City, AZ and my siblings and I would have to fly in to help her as she went from one medical emergency to another. Surgeries, strokes, etc. left her in very tenuous shape and it appeared that her mental abilities were also diminishing. After the second stroke a family decision was made that Mom needed to live near to one of her children. It took a near hijacking to get her to move to California but after much drama we got her to move. When she arrived in CA, she immediately had cardic problems. The doctors called it “ominous” and we were told that elderly folk often died peacefully in her sleep. I am here to tell you that two years later she is in the best shape she has been in for 5 years. Don’t give up on the old folk – with good medical attention, proper nutrition, and social interaction – miracles happen. Mom still needs a fair amount of medical care but she is mentally very sharp and had a wry, wild sense of humor. Most of all she has not lost the ability to push my buttons at will. I think that she considers this a sport!

The Big House is another matter. Not that they are not good but it takes a lot of advocacy to make sure that all services are delivered properly, medications are administered as ordered, and she gets the help she needs. I could write a book on this topic alone. She gave Woodside Terrace the moniker “The Big House” and it is the only way she will refer to her accomodation.

There was no possible way I could prepare myself for the heartache involved in sending Mom to the Big House. Several of my friends, who had experience with taking care of their elderly parents, tried to warn me. Despite all warnings, I had no idea how much emotional and psychological trauma would be involved. I got my first pang of it when I prepared her to leave my house to take her to the Big House. I had never seen that strong women look so fragile and scared. There is much more to say but I won’t.

Now, about 20 months later she can actually say that she likes the Big House. However, she has her boundaries well established. She will not eat meals in the dining room as she doesn’t like to be around all those “old people”. She complains about nearly everything and yet I think she is happy and feels safe. I never thought that we would get here. I am still constantly stressed about her care and feeding, I worry all the time about what the next medical emergency will be and how I might be able to prevent it, and I am realizing that the most important thing I can do is back off from all the worry and stress and replace it with something that will bring joy to Mom and those that love me.

Hello world!

kla122008 — Wed, 17 Dec 2008 23:14:36 +0000

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